This advice is from Sunday school -优秀是训练出来的 (6)- on 2/10/19 at Michiana Chinese Christian Church (MCCC).
Principles on training (Part 1):
- Beating (discipline) cannot replace training. If trained your kid early on, you will not need to discipline him/her later on.
- Every kid can be trained – do not find excuses for him/her.
- Your method/tone of training may determine when and where your kids will obey you. – For example, asking kids to come to dinner, do not ask more than once (they would train you). Show action right after the first instance, but do not get angry right away.
- Training for obedience is not about beating up.
- Unavoidable issues during training (should not avoid/skip): touching, crying, disobedience, disrespectful, not being on time, impolite.
Active training (preemptive) vs. passive training (discipline):
- Direct command/instruction. In moments of non-conflict, ask kids to do what they should do. Must be assertive on the moral principles.
- Restrictive (binding) commands and instruction. In moments of conflict, ask kids to don’t what they shouldn’t do.
- Both types require immediate obedience and may cause conflicts.
- It is not enough to just train the kids to follow moral principles, it is necessary to explain the reason, you have to teach your children to think in a righteous moral way. (A) Teach moral conscience, (B) Legalism (avoid conditioning) and (C) all begins with mom and dad.
- Encouraging, admonishing, warning, rebuking, correct/punish. -Don’t use your hands to punish, do use different tools for training (lighter) and disciplining (tougher).
Video watched during the class
In the video, the elder talks about a story a two-year-old, who bites anyone who holds him. Parents say that he is born like this (excuse), elder asks to hold him and show them that he can train the kid. Some things are not trainable, such as wetting the bed, there are biological limitations. How you train will also have consequences, training a horse with loud voices would require the future rider to use loud voices. Example of mom asking son to dinner. Multiple times and not actions. Example of how to training a kid from start, bring him to a room with toys, let him start playing, then go to the door and call him to come. He does not come, then you walk to him and take the toy off his hands and explain to him that when dad calls him, he must come. Repeat a few times, if still no improvement, light hit him twice. Eventually, the child will come as soon as the dad calls him. Then there is a comparison of this example to someone who keeps pressing the ON button when the computer does not turn on. Never avoid problems, making excuse. You are not training your kid to not touch by putting things out of his/her reach. You should admonish him when he takes something that he should not and encourages him when he takes something that he should. Tools to train and discipline should be different, you need a lighter tool to train whereas you need a scary tool to discipline. Training usually takes 3 days, but the benefits will be for the rest of his life.
Bible verses:Galatians 5:22-23 22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faith, [or, faithfulness] 23 gentleness, and self-control. Against such things there is no law.
Proverbs 19:18 18 Discipline your son, for there is hope; don’t be a willing party to his death.
Proverbs 19:18 4 You fathers, don’t provoke your children to wrath, but nurture them in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.
Proverbs 15:1-2 1 A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. 2 The tongue of the wise commends knowledge, but the mouth of fools gush out folly.
Proverbs 29:22 22 An angry man stirs up strife, and a wrathful man abounds in sin.
Proverbs 17:22 22 A cheerful heart makes good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.